carpool, anyone?

they cough. they yawn. they sneeze. they wheeze. they eat. they drink. they burp. they fart. they bump you. they elbow you. they rub up against you. they step on your toes. they step on your heels. they step on your brand new vans.

they babble to friends. they babble to strangers. they babble to themselves.

they reek of booze. they reek of cigarettes. they reek of listerine.

but most of all, they play with their phones. constantly. they check their messages. they check their emails. they check their facebook. they check their twitter. they call to say they'll be there in fifteen. in ten. in five. they're arriving at the station now.

and just when you think it can't get any more absurd, they fasten their bloody bicycles to the front of the friggin' bus. so ride your damn bicycle then. idiot.
 

the sky is falling

with all the stuff going on in my life at the moment, i must say that it is somewhat of a relief to learn that the neighbourhood pine cone population knows absolutely no bounds when it comes to empathy. 'cause just the other day i was merrily on my way to the local library when suddenly i found myself on the receiving end of a wayward conifer grenade. perhaps it was a fully-mature pollen cone that had sadly mistaken my ever-expanding bald zone for a willing dance partner. or perhaps it was simply an allegorical manifestation of that time-honoured truism that whenever it rains, it quite literally pours. but whatever the rationale, my noggin took one helluva beating that day which, if nothing else, left me with a profound respect for the resident cedar community.