not every title need be a single word

really, is there anything more grating on the nerves than the know-it-all? you're familiar with the know-it-all. that guy or gal who insists on sharing their awareness of the mating habits of australian sea monkeys with anyone and everyone who can't quite escape fast enough. the other day i was subjected to an intellectual beatdown at the hands of our friendly, neighbourhood know-it-all. i didn't ask for a beating mind you, but i sure as hell took one anyway. the onslaught began with a dressing-down over my lack of comprehension concerning notable tourist attractions in the far east. it continued with a consciousness-raising lecture on the role of women in 18th-century prussia. throw in a few highly-unnecessary allusions to recent advances in genetically-modified foods and voila... we have a winner. you, sir, are officially brighter than me. props to you, my good man. i have been officially schooled. burn. ok, so it appears to me then that fifteen-year-olds impress with clothing and electronics. thirty-five-year-olds impress with cars and homes. and fifty-year-olds impress with their extensive knowledge of mineral water, to borrow a phrase from ben stiller's nemesis. but what can i contribute to this increasingly scholarly and erudite debate? well, let's see. uh... i've managed to memorize the value pick menu at mcdonald's. and thanks to seven and two, i'm pretty familiar with just about every programming choice on the family channel. so is it zack or cody who should avoid the seafood bar for a few months? and perhaps zoey should have stayed in the dorm room that night. ugh. woe is what i have become.

more words of wisdom from super agent dicky fox: "if this (points to heart) is empty, this (points to head) doesn't matter." - jerry maguire (1996)

and more proof that the brits do it better, especially in black & white: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYK7bEo1Z4M