put your hands up

i have been accumulating coins inside a huge glass jar in my bedroom for what seems like the past 40 years. so today i decided to do something about it. yes, today i decided to take my coins, fully wrapped i might add, to my local branch of the td bank so that i could deposit said funds in my account.

now just to give you some idea as to the amount of change i'm talking about here, i was ultimately forced to place the rolls of coins inside a pillowcase because the plastic shopping bag i had originally intended as my mode of transport tore open under the sheer weight of the load.

so this morning i made my way on foot to the neighbourhood td bank branch, navy green pillowcase slung over my shoulder like some dollar store version of st. nick, only minus the beard and pot belly.

but i wasn't really expecting the reaction i received when i eventually tossed my cargo of legal tender onto the counter in front of the startled teller. because when i told her that i wanted to deposit over a hundred rolls of coins, she looked at me as though i had just informed her that i had a 10-foot cobra inside my pillowcase. i mean, i figured that because she worked in a bank and all, she was probably used to the sight of perfectly-wrapped rolls of coins by now. but apparently i was wrong. because when i dumped my treasure trove onto the counter top in front of miss mba, her eyes began to bulge as if she had just witnessed a 10-foot cobra spill out of a pillowcase.

but get this. the first thing the teller asked me wasn't "so how did you manage to amass so many coins?" or "so how did you manage to wrap your coins so perfectly?" no, the first thing the potential employee of the month asked me was, "did you write your account number and branch number on the side of every roll?"

huh? excuse me? account number? branch number? every roll? uh, there were over a hundred rolls of perfectly-wrapped coins on that counter top. how was i supposed to write my account number and branch number on every roll?

me: uh, how am i supposed to write my account number and branch number on every roll?

her: oh, that's easy. you just pick up each roll and carefully print your account number and branch number on the side of the wrapper.

me: but how am i supposed to do that for a hundred rolls?

her: well, i guess you just do it for each roll until you've finished all one hundred rolls.

me: but there's no room to print my account number and branch number on the side of each roll.

her: oh, don't worry. just print with tiny little numbers.

me: but how was i to know that i was supposed to print my account number and branch number on the side of each roll?

her: well, i guess now you know. um, would you like me to help you?

at that point, the teller handed me a limited edition td bank ballpoint pen and smiled. i smiled back at her. and then i began printing.

"you have to stop the q-tip when there's resistance." - chandler bing

i think they're in town this week: