gulp

so the last thing a recovering hypochondriac and borderline neurotic wants to hear is, "maybe you should come into the office so that we can talk." the office being the doctor's office, that is.

but that was precisely the message left on my answering machine sometime this afternoon by my trusty physician.

to be fair, the complete message went something like this: "um, i just had a look at the results of your blood tests from last week and i think it would be a good idea if you could call me back... or maybe it would be better if you just came into the office so that we can talk."

now after replaying that message a good half-dozen or so times, i have come to the conclusion that the communique in question may reasonably be interpreted in one of two ways. uno, my blood tests were fine and my doc just wanted to confirm my fineness in person so that he could bill the province for a highly unnecessary thirty-second consultation. or dos, my blood tests were anything but fine and my doctor was demonstrating the highest level of professionalism when he chose not to leave a message on my answering machine advising me of how long i had left.

and keep in mind that my opinion on this matter is largely informed by the old maxim (canard?) which suggests that doctors rarely invite patients into their offices to deliver good news.

that said, i do take some comfort in the fact that at least my m.d. gave me the option of either calling him back to learn my results or speaking to him in person. small comfort, yes, but enough to provide me at least a faint glimmer of hope for the time being.

of course, it didn't help when i contacted my doctor's office to inquire about my blood tests the other day only to be informed by the receptionist that my cholesterol level was a tad "elevated" while my albumin level was a touch "odd." which cholesterol level is high - the good one or the bad one, i demanded. and what exactly is albumin, i inquired. the receptionist couldn't answer my second question ("albumin? hmm, i'm not really sure...") and had trouble distinguishing between hdl and ldl for my first question ("i think hdl is the good one.... or is it ldl? maybe you should just wait to speak to the doctor.") perhaps this is why my daughter's pediatrician once noted rather bluntly, "receptionists do not go to medical school."

"no news is good news." - author unknown

my seven-year-old daughter finally caught a glimpse of grease on amc tonight and i am pleased to report that she is suitably hooked