tick tock

the room itself was rather nondescript. the examination table, the vinyl chair, the doctor's scale. but as the seconds turned to minutes and the minutes turned to... to more minutes, i gradually began to explore the less pronounced elements of my surroundings with my eyes. the monet watercolor hanging on the wall - a lithograph, probably, and not an original. the blood pressure gauge hanging beside the monet. the hand sanitizer dispenser. the boxes and boxes of cotton balls perched atop the wall cabinet. the bottle of tongue depressors, sitting alongside the container of powder-free latex gloves on the counter top. and the enormous earwig lying motionless at the foot of the door, either resting or recently deceased.

as the walls of the office were paper thin, i could make out most of the conversation unfolding in the adjacent exam room. a female patient was peppering her doctor with question after question and i could tell that she was anxious. perhaps it was something that he had just said to her.

by now my toes were starting to turn purple, a direct result of the chill in the air, i surmised. and the paper examination gown i was draped in did nothing to add to my comfort level. i had already given up on my attempts to tie a knot in the back. and to make matters worse, the makeshift dress was slowly beginning to tear on one side.

i decided to hum. "under pressure" by queen, as far as i can recall. the opening bass line. dum-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum. dum-dum-dum dum-dum-dum-dum. it was then that i noticed the complete absence of any medical qualifications in the room. just the monet litho, but no degrees or diplomas or certificates nailed to the walls. maybe it was because my doctor had only recently relocated his practice, i reassured myself. yeah, that must be the reason.

i was bored by that point so i sought out things to do to distract myself. i squeezed that round black air pump on the blood pressure gauge a few times. i weighed myself a few times, both with and without my sandals, just to see the difference. i washed my hands with hand sanitizer gel. i washed my hands with soap and water to remove the smell of alcohol from the hand sanitizer gel. and i tried in vain to juggle a couple of the aforementioned cotton balls. i reasoned that i was paying for them anyway with my taxes, so why not?

and then i noticed the syringe sitting on the counter top, hiding behind the popsicle sticks and the funny gloves. and four empty blood vials. so it was going to be a four-vial day after all.

"in the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science." - martin h. fischer

i suppose it could be worse...