hangin' tough

wandering aimlessly through yorkdale mall the other day, i couldn't help but notice the multitudes of young males hangin' out by the food court trying on their best james dean impressions. they all seemed so fierce, so angry, so dissatisfied. they all seemed so tough. or so they wanted me to believe anyway. these suburban, cookie-cutter, wannabe punks are a dime-a-dozen in my 'hood these days, as more and more adolescent boys adopt the image of the mtv-inspired inner city thug. but how exactly does one acquire the requisite degree of street cred today when one hails from the mean streets of, say, forest hill village or lawrence park south? here then, as a public service to aspiring misanthropes and juvenile delinquents everywhere, is my primer on what not to do in pursuit of the eternal thug life. and so, without further ado, i now present the first annual "it's hard to look tough when..." series of recommendations for young men:

• it's hard to look tough when you're munching on a black diamond cheestring... especially one that's been peeled open in the shape of a palm tree
• it's hard to look tough when you're spotted napping on a sunday afternoon... in a hammock
• it's hard to look tough when you're riding shotgun in your mother's volvo hatchback... especially a volvo hatchback that's actually being driven by your mother at the time
• it's hard to look tough when you've chosen justin bieber's "baby" as your mobile ringtone
• it's hard to look tough when you're caught twirling one of those footlong strips of red licorice between bites
• it's hard to look tough when you're wearing your future shop name tag and the tag reads "sheldon"
• it's hard to look tough when you've got the hiccups
• and finally, it's hard to look tough once you've publicly admitted via the world wide web that you still have trouble with the doggy paddle after two years of phys ed classes... ahem

"those trying their best to look tough on the outside are the same ones trying their best not to feel frightened on the inside" - bffl circa 1984 (haven't heard from him in twenty years)

we should all try a little: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04il74pijpY