help me, help you... or how you can sum up a man's life with a $1.99 delete bin video from bmv

"i hated myself... no, i hated my place in the world." - jerry maguire (1996)

perhaps the only film that truly speaks to the essence of who i am is the motion picture classic jerry maguire. when a film (or a book) speaks to the essence of who you are, you often find yourself nodding in agreement at the screen (or the pages) while muttering, "yes. i understand that. that is so real. that is so true." such is the case with jerry maguire and me. the film was released in 1996 which was just about the time that i made the decision to leave my former career as a lawyer. over the years, many of my students have said to me, "hey sir. how come you stopped being a lawyer?" in hindsight, the best response to that query would have simply been: "just watch jerry maguire and you'll understand."

jerry maguire tells the story of a middle-aged sports agent played by tom cruise who, after suffering a crisis of conscience, is determined to carry on business in a manner more in tune with his newfound attitude towards life and relationships. "personal attention to others" and "behaving with integrity" become jerry's new catchphrases as he slowly learns that his sudden epiphany may run counter to the venerable rules and norms of modern society. more than anything though, jerry maguire tells the story of a man approaching a series of crossroads in both his personal and professional lives - what hollywood terms a "fork in the road" and what i have previously referred to as "moments," moments when important decisions must be made as to how to proceed in one's life.

in his first major decision, or moment, jerry elects to devote more attention to a reduced client roll in order to lend a personal touch which will hopefully provide him with a clearer perspective as to what is best for those he chooses to represent.

later, jerry is forced to choose between the lone client who has consistently shown allegiance to him and a roster full of athletes whose dedication seems to depend on nothing more than the size of their paycheques.

finally, jerry must decide between the safety and simplicity of bachelor life versus the concern and commitment necessary to maintain a healthy long-term relationship.

for me the film has always spoken to a need in my own life to be more productive in a manner that actually contributes something of importance to the greater good. as a lawyer, i always felt as though my skills were at the risk of being exploited by those in positions of authority so as to maintain their hold on power. and quite frankly, because so many of the powerful persons that i dealt with, indeed that i represented, were so unworthy of their standing and influence within the community, i concluded that i no longer wished to be a part of that status quo. instead, i determined that i preferred to be part of a system where i could encourage others to confront that system, and ultimately break down that system, but only so that they could subsequently rebuild that system in their own image.

and so it is jerry maguire that gives voice to those aspirations - to the spirit of contemplation and reformation and ultimately, progression. but jerry is not so much the voice of change as he is the agent of change for an even greater movement inspired by him. indeed as the film comes to an end, jerry's former clients are seen quizzing their agents as to why they can't be more like jerry in terms of their personal commitment to their clientele.

whenever i watch jerry maguire, i am reminded of the reasons i left the legal profession and what i promised myself i would attempt to do if i ever had the opportunity to make a difference in the grander scheme of things. and while that promise has yet to be fulfilled in my estimation, the journey towards that destination is well underway while the path thereto is gradually beginning to look a lot less cluttered.

and just as holden caulfield, the hypocritical self-loathing cynic from the catcher in the rye, could only experience true happiness in a glimpse of his younger sister's playful innocence (phoebe on the carousel), the closing moments of jerry maguire portray the titular protagonist finally achieving a sense of inner peace at the sight of his son expertly tossing a baseball during a leisurely stroll through the park with his family.

it is that scene, and that moment, which ultimately defines the metamorphosis that jerry maguire has undergone, for it is only then that jerry truly understands happiness lies not in a fat paycheque or a super bowl ring but rather in the smile that an eight-year-old kid can bring to his mother's face with the simple toss of a ball.

the true face of loyalty, the true face of jerry maguire: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTFJocQBLyE