what grade is this again?

my seven-year-old daughter brought home her first-ever year-end report card this afternoon and i must say that i was rather impressed with most of her grades. that said, the report contained a number of "interesting" comments from her home form teacher along with some even more interesting curriculum titles that i just had to share with you, 'cause you know, that's what i do.

to begin with, what the hell are they teaching my kid in her grade one math class? five topic strands were listed under "mathematics" on her report card, the first three being "number sense and numeration," "measurement," and "geometry and spatial sense." ok, so far, so good. i mean, those first three subheadings do seem a little pretentious to my ears, but at least they still kinda make sense in the context of a math program, i suppose. but then things take a definite turn towards the bizarre. the fourth and fifth strands of her three-times-a-week-at-thirty-seven-minutes-a-pop math lesson? why, it's none other than "patterning and algebra" and "data management and probabilities." excuse me? did you say algebra? and data management? and probabilities? uh, what is this? a grade one math class in tdsb or a first-year financial analysis and risk management course at waterloo? the funny thing is that i've helped my daughter with her math homework on many an occasion this past year and i don't ever recall coming across any algebra or data management or probabilities questions in her notes. how many striped eggs can you see in the basket? that, i seem to recall. but algebra or data management or probabilities? not that i can remember. oh wait, i can see it now: "alright children, please take out your pencils and your erasers and your scientific calculators and let's get ready for our pop quiz."

moving on, it is rather obvious that elementary school teachers, not unlike high school teachers, are forced to rely upon a huge computer database of largely generic comments when preparing their report cards. to wit, like most her age, my first-born is still struggling with her portraits and landscapes, so when i read that "seven thoughtfully looks at her own art and the art of others, and talks about what she sees and feels", i was left scratching my head a little. and when i read that "seven can effectively kick and throw objects in different ways" and "seven can also effectively discuss ways of avoiding injury when playing," i must say that i was rather intrigued by whatever it is that she has been learning in her health and phys ed class these past nine months. i mean, exactly how many different ways can a seven-year-old kick and throw an object anyway? and why the focus on discussing ways of avoiding injury in gym class? after all, these kids are seven years old. hell, my daughter can injure herself just thinking about playing floor hockey.

and finally, seven's teacher certainly saved her most telling observations for the learning skills summary at the end of the report. now this year has been a challenge at times for seven's mother and me as we have heard occasional reports of behavioral issues from seven's teachers and classmates. so i wasn't entirely surprised to read that "seven continues to need reminders to avoid socializing and focus on her work."

but then i was reminded of how, at the ripe old age of twenty-one, i was advised by one of my many physicians that i exhibited all of the signs and symptoms of someone suffering from adhd. i even remember the general tone of the doctor-patient dialogue that day. "have you ever been diagnosed with adhd?" my doc asked me. uh, i don't think so, i replied. "well, based on all of the evidence before me, you may want to consider treatment for the disorder," he continued. um, just so we're clear, doc, are you suggesting that my symptoms indicate i suffered from adhd when i was a kid? "no, i am suggesting that you may be suffering from adhd, like, today. like, right now." i never did seek treatment for my condition, and as most of you can attest, i am rarely late or forgetful or disorganized or unfocused, so i guess we can put that diagnosis aside for the time being.

getting back to my daughter then, the fact that one of her teachers has noted that she may have trouble staying on task doesn't really bother me all that much, to be honest. quite frankly, i have always said that if you can sit through a one-hour geography seminar or accounting lecture and not feel a tad restless or fidgety at times, well in that case, there may be something wrong with you. hey, the kid is seven. so she likes to socialize a little. that's a good thing, isn't it? i mean, maybe not in the middle of a spelling test or silent reading time, but still...

hey, this is how i learned my parts of speech when i was a kid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWYmEICNgOQ&feature=related

"my report card always said, 'jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students.'" - jim carrey