these are the abc's of me, baby

the other day i found myself engaged in an in-depth conversation with several of my adult acquaintances. okay, so maybe there were only three of us. and keep in mind as you read the following that these were hardly my closest amigos by any stretch but rather just a few casual associates sitting down for a bite to eat and a little table talk. at first the discussion centred on the topic of weekends at the cottage. yet due to my lengthy repertoire of warm weather allergies, i must admit that i have never actually owned or rented a cottage nor am i particularly interested in spending any of my upcoming weekends at one. as a result, i was unable to add much of consequence to that particular dialogue. later, the conversation shifted to a profound deliberation on the pros and cons of backyard gardening. yet once again, i was unable to provide much in the way of insight as i have absolutely no desire to study the differences between evergreen and deciduous plants. and then, sitting there, it suddenly dawned on me: i have almost nothing in common with the vast majority of the adult world.

and so at that moment, in desperation, i undertook to make a concerted effort to "fit in" to the sophisticated nature of the conversation before me. yet within minutes, i had resigned myself to the fact that i just wasn't interested in mature exchanges on subject matter as trifling as mortgage rates and muffin recipes and patio chairs.

short on alternatives, next i did what any level-headed individual would have done in my circumstances: i gave up. i gave up in my attempts to impress my grownup acquaintances with my extensive knowledge of cottage hot spots and gardening tools and whatever else it is that middle-aged men and women discuss around the barbecue or by the pool or at the country club. and instead... instead i decided to move the conversation a little bit closer to my own comfort zone - closer to the topics and themes that i enjoy debating. and so i began with my lament over the fact that i missed last week's $1 flip-flop sale at old navy. (blank stares.) and that was followed up with a sizzling analysis of the hypocrisy demonstrated by kristen on the hills when she dissed brody's new girlfriend after explicitly permitting him to see other women. (more blank stares.) and how could i not bring up katy perry's recent video for "california gurls" and all of those not-so-subtle double entendres that fill the screen? (even more blank stares.) and how toopy and binoo is perhaps the most brilliantly subversive children's cartoon to air since the flintstones. and how gutterball on miniclip.com is far and away the dopest bowling simulation in the history of online gaming. and how it always makes sense to order the cheapest beverage size at mcdonald's because of their free refill policy. (blank stares. blank stares. blank stares.)

in conclusion then, i suppose that the moral of the story is this: if you must grow up and you still wish to be entertaining at dinner parties, maybe you'd better learn how to plant a few azaleas.

"age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone." - jim fiebig

same title, but not the jay-z (nee alphaville) number you're familiar with: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGEe_zpddNI