click

it started about three weeks ago. that's when i first noticed that my mouse was giving me trouble. my computer mouse, that is. it's not a complicated device, really. a simple two-button usb design with vertical scroll that came with my brand new dell pc about four years ago. but between my seven-year-old's miniclip and y8 obsession, my two-year-old's penchant for slamming things that don't belong to her, and my own somewhat immature habit of incessantly shaking any object within arm's reach while waiting on my excruciatingly slow internet service, the little guy has probably seen its best days come and go.

so here's the problem. whenever i click on the left button, the mouse delivers not one but two (or sometimes three) clicks to the intended target. as a result:

let's say that i wish to return to the previous webpage via the direction arrows in the top left corner of the screen. so i click once on the back arrow. but instead of travelling back to the immediately preceding page, i find myself on a webpage two pages in arrears. but, of course, i don't want to travel back that far. so i click once on the forward arrow. but instead of travelling forward to the immediately subsequent page, i find myself back on the original webpage that i didn't want to be on in the first place. so i click once again on the back arrow. but this time i travel not two but three pages in reverse. so now i'm exactly two webpages behind the actual page i'm trying to locate. but at this point i figure that i'm finally in the clear. after all, all i have to do is click once on the forward arrow and naturally i will jump ahead two pages to my intended target. but in a show of blatant defiance, my mischievous mouse decides to take this rare opportunity to actually perform the way it was designed to. so now one click on the forward arrow equals one webpage forward. accordingly, i'm still one page west of where i want to be. so i tap on the left mouse button one more time, and this time as gently as possible. but unfortunately, the mouse's consecutive hit streak has come to an end at... one. and so, once again, i find myself on the wrong page. on the outside looking in, as it were.

maybe it's time i picked up a new mouse.

"the machine does not isolate us from the great problems of nature but plunges us more deeply into them.” - antoine de saint-exupery

hey, i've never seen this version