don't forget to brush, kid

i've given it a lot of thought and i think i've finally figured out why so many folks are wary of their dentists. the reason: dentists make us feel bad about ourselves. i mean, when was the last time you visited a dentist who told you that you had a perfect set of choppers? no cavities, no plaque or tartar build up, no gum inflammation or bleeding, no loose or chipped teeth, no signs of gingivitis or periodontitis, no problems whatsoever. when, i say?

i mean, it's almost like dental professionals go out of their way to find something wrong inside your mouth so that they can justify their exorbitant fees. fees, by the way, that have no limit, as i recently learned when i visited the ontario dental association (oda) website. you see, i had always believed, incorrectly as it turns out, that tooth doctors are bound by some sort of ethical code of conduct in terms of the fees that they can charge their unsuspecting patients. now i was already aware of something called the "oda suggested fee guide" which i had naturally assumed was created to establish maximum fee rates that dentists can charge their patients for specified services. but then i read the following:

"the oda suggested fee guide is a reference of suggested fees for dental services that is updated annually by the ontario dental association. on the other hand, every dentist sets his or her own fees, considering the factors affecting both the practice and the patients served. the fee guide helps dentists derive fees, but this is only a guide and the fees are only 'suggested.'"

but i digress. the point of this entry is to say that if only dentists would take a more accommodating approach to their clients then perhaps i wouldn't be quite so apprehensive when it comes to slinking down in that plastic-coated dental chair of theirs. look, if you have some bad news to deliver, as you inevitably do, then break it to me gently, would ya doc? treat me with kid gloves when the circumstances call for compassion. and stop being so judgmental, my oral health care specialist. after all, we can't all be born with award-winning smiles a la taylor lautner.

"don't forget your toothbrush! you're still in your cavity-prone years." - breaking away (1979)

the perfect song for a cloze exercise in a level eight esl listening class: