razor burn

to my mind, there can be nothing more tedious or mundane than the not-so-fine art of shaving. every sunday night (or monday night on a holiday weekend), i stand before my reflection in the bathroom mirror and i ask myself, "should i shave or should i go?" with my dollar store supermax twin disposable razor in one hand and my gillette foamy shaving cream for sensitive skin in the other, i gaze at my seven days of stubble as i wonder aloud how it is that my biologically-connected brother can barely scare up a five o'clock shadow given the same period of growth.

and then the routine begins once again. wash face with soap and warm water. apply shaving cream to face and neck. lather. shave left side of face. shave right side of face. shave between nose and upper lip. shave left side of neck. shave right side of neck. shave centre of neck being careful not to slice open prominent adam's apple. shave left jaw line. shave right jaw line. shave sideburns with an eye to symmetry. rinse. repeat.

now in my previous career, i used to wake up early every day just so i could get in a good shave before taking my morning shower. yet today when i look back on that period in my life, i can't quite believe that i managed to trudge through approximately 400 morning shaves (i did the math) before i elected to call it quits and move onto a profession where facial hair isn't greeted with the same level of scorn and derision. indeed it was that and the relaxed wardrobe requirements that made the decision to switch vocations that much easier to accept. (whoa... three "thats" in one sentence.)

and from a purely philosophical point of view, i tend to view the act of shaving in the same way i view the act of making one's bed. to wit: why bother? i mean, no matter how many times i shave my beard (or make my bed), my face (or bed) is gonna look like a mess in a few hours anyway. so once again i ask the question: why bother?

besides, there are plenty of phony explanations that i could rely upon to justify my dishevelled appearance if and when i ever choose to grow out my beard once and for all. i could tell people that i'm becoming religious. i could tell people that i'm embracing the hippie lifestyle. i could tell people that i'm auditioning for the role of gandalf the wizard in the hart house production of lord of the rings.

whatever the excuse, i'm sure i could pull it off. the look, that is.

"you realize how many boring things i've got to do in a single day to drive me crazy? i've got to get up, i've gotta brush my teeth, i have to shave -- and i hate to shave. there are days where i stand there debating with that mirror: should i shave, or should i cut my throat? but I shave." - all in the family (1974)

hated the show, loved the theme song... and whatever happened to katie holmes?