essentially it's about nothing

so the metro across the road recently installed a bulk food section featuring several dozen bins of unwrapped chocolates, candies and nuts. whenever i take my two-year-old daughter shopping with me, as i did today, i always find a way to sneak the kid a few treats on the house as she sits patiently in the cart. hey, i know what you're thinking. but from my perspective, i'm merely sampling the wares before deciding on the confection i intend to purchase. (wink)

now the key to the whole operation, you see, the key is to figure out how to pinch a couple of gummi worms or a pretzel or two without tipping off metro's crack security detail. ok, so maybe there is no crack security detail at metro to speak of, but when "borrowing" from the bulk food bins, you are best advised to keep a low profile. after all, you don't want one of the stock clerks or meat cutters or deli counter boys to blow the whistle on your little caper before you've brought in a good haul.

and so, without further ado, here are some timely tips on how to successfully misappropriate bulk snack foods from your friendly, neighbourhood supermarket.

first of all, it helps to have a cute two-year-old daughter by your side as you seek to pull off your mini-heist. a typical store employee would never dream of interrupting the joyous rhapsody exhibited by the average child immersed in a full-blown sugar fit. besides, how could you deny that adorable little face one tiny chocolate covered almond?

secondly, timing is everything. when in doubt, several trips to the bulk food bins spread out over the entirety of the shopping day are preferable to one single smash-and-grab job. and try to keep things on the down low as you saunter by the broken kit kats for the second, third or fourth time that afternoon. it helps to imagine that you're out for a nice leisurely stroll on the boardwalk with your loved ones, i might add.

and finally, whenever possible always attempt to enlist the assistance of friends and family in the pursuit of your bulk barn freebie. after all, two heads are better than one. if i have my wife with me, for example, i can always ask her to grab a few m&m's for our youngest. and hey, there's my neighbour from the building. say joe, can you do me a favour? do you know what a banana chip looks like? you do? perfect.

"it's a show about nothing." - seinfeld



p.s. how's queen's, a-z?