this, too, shall pass

something i read yesterday left me a little upset. it was written by one of my former students and it seemed to indicate that he was having a difficult time adjusting to life at his new university. i was a little disturbed by the news because over the course of the past year i was certainly guilty of encouraging this former student to attend that particular institution.

on my first day of law school, i couldn't have felt more out of place. i was surrounded by what i assumed were some of the brightest minds in the country. after all, more than a quarter of the first-years seated about me were from out-of-province. and based on my research, the law school i was attending had attracted some of the highest gpa and lsat scores in the land. on top of that, i was one of the youngest kids in my class as i had entered law school after only three years of undergraduate studies. in fact, many of my fellow classmates were in their thirties and forties, the result of a decision to return to school after years spent in other careers like accounting and engineering. quite frankly, i was out of my element. i just didn't belong in that crowd.

i remember walking out in the middle of a contracts class during my first week of school. i proceeded to wander throughout the larger campus for the next hour or so. my mind was racing. i distinctly recall crouching down at one point like a back catcher and rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet. i think i may have been suffering a panic attack. i was sweating profusely even though it was a cool september day. eventually i decided to take the rest of the day off.

over the next few months, there were several recurrences of these episodes. each one ended with me hopping into my vehicle and heading back to the relative comfort and security of my home.

but then one morning, i believe it was sometime in november or december, i was sitting in class when one of my more ostentatious classmates raised his hand in order to respond to a question from the professor. now this fellow had already established quite the reputation for delivering highly articulate and enlightened responses. but when he'd finally finished delivering his lengthy oratory, the professor furrowed her brow before remarking rather pointedly: "will fifty words ever satisfy when a mere five will typically suffice? anyone else care to comment?"

the room remained silent for several seconds. no one uttered so much as a whisper. looking around the windowless classroom, it suddenly occurred to me that the professor's harsh rebuke had actually had the effect of intimidating the formerly outspoken and intrepid members of my first-year cohort. feeling emboldened by this inaugural sign of weakness on the part of my classmates, i elected to raise my hand. after all, what could i possibly lose at that point? nothing could be worse than the public shaming suffered only moments earlier by my learned friend in the front row. i limited my response to five or six words, as per the instructor's request. my reply was hardly spectacular. but it impressed the instructor enough for her to comment that i had aptly demonstrated the point she had been trying to make. and more importantly, it gave me the confidence to stick it out for another day.

eventually, another day turned into another week. and another week turned into another month. and by the end of my first year, i felt very much at home in my new law school.

so you see, while i cannot provide any absolute assurances to you, i can say that at least in the case of my own post-secondary experience, time was ultimately the most significant factor.

"time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons.” - blaise pascal