the swing of things

the tiny slice of chive was just sitting there between her two front teeth. she had been slurping on a bowl of take-out won ton not ten minutes earlier. the chive served as a garnish, i suppose. or maybe a form of seasoning. you know, to give it some flavour. an herb, if i'm not mistaken. or is it a spice? in any event, a fairly inconsequential add-on at best. and now, the pint-sized chive was doing its best to stand between me and perhaps my first ever mature conversation with one of the elderly librarians at my local branch. but try as i might, and lord knows i tried, i just couldn't look past the shrunken green sliver resting comfortably atop my bookish friend's central incisors.

and it's not as though i haven't suffered a similar humiliation over the course of my own fairly unsympathetic lifetime. but none of that mattered at that point because i was ensconced in a set of circumstances from which there simply was no escape. and so, i had no choice but to discuss the matters before us. i needed to find that video and that was that. i just had to grin and bear it. i only wish that she didn't have to grin and bear it quite so often.

and as the seconds turned to minutes and the minutes turned... well, you get the picture, i began to feel more and more overwhelmed by the enormity of my predicament. because as a grade "a" smartass, i often feel the irresistible urge to share my irresistible wit and candour with those around me. and certainly the fate of the bespectacled bibliothec standing before me was practically calling out for a caustic remark. but what could i mutter that wouldn't inevitably bring our stimulating exchange to a grinding halt? and so i was reminded, once again, of that early episode of friends where chandler is forced to bite his tongue after swearing off sarcasm just as ross enters the love shack decked out in a pair of shiny, leather pants.

but discretion is, after all, the better part of valour. and so i behaved like a good little boy this afternoon. and in the end, i was able to walk away from the encounter a stronger man than the one who entered. but i'll tell you this. that was one disconcerting little herb. or is it a spice?

this generation rules the nation