the big picture

i watched a debate on "the hour" last night concerning the existence of g-d and the need amongst humans to believe in something. and it reminded me of that year-long stretch around my seventeenth birthday, affectionately referred to as my "blue period," when i spent a considerable amount of time contemplating my place in the universe and similar questions of an existential nature. and where exactly did my blue period lead to, you may ask? why, nowhere, of course. because that's ultimately where all questions of an existential nature must lead. for the answer, my friends, is not meant to be discovered. not in our lifetimes, anyway. why are we here? what is the meaning of life? is there something waiting for us on the other side? ah, who the hell knows. and more importantly, who the hell cares. here's what i do know. some of us will win. some of us will lose. some of us will prosper. some of us will suffer. most of us will experience joy and sorrow and satisfaction and frustration at various intervals throughout our lifetimes. but in the end, this game we all play is just one big crap shoot. one giant roulette wheel. and where she stops, nobody knows. so i gave up on thinking, thinking about the bigger picture that is, right around the time of my eighteenth birthday. and i was never happier than on the day i realized that the answer i was looking for lies far beyond the realm of human comprehension. tomorrow will come. and i should be thankful for one more sunrise. and what i make of tomorrow is up to me. is there a hand up there stirring the pot and keeping on eye on things down here? maybe. but that hand will have no say in what i choose to wear for the day. or how i prepare for my first period class. or any of the other myriad decisions i'm forced to make over the next twenty-four hours. and if tomorrow turns out to be my last kick at the can, i would rather not know of that fact in advance. besides, what would i gain with that foresight in hand? would i really live my life any differently armed with the knowledge of my ultimate expiry date? nah. and until that day comes, i would prefer to see the smaller picture anyway.

"uh, we need someone to come to our school and talk to the kids about how to tie a tie." - anonymous grade 12 student

and yet he named his firstborn after a fleshy fruit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAME8GDRTfI