feldstein and weisblott, dds

so how come nobody wears a headgear anymore? what's a headgear, you may ask? you know... a headgear. that odd-shaped, space-age looking, shiny metallic orthodontic device that wraps around your skull like a cross between a football facemask and a headset mike. i was just reminded of that nightmarish dental appliance when i suddenly awoke a few minutes ago after unintentionally dozing off on the couch with my eyeglasses still firmly attached to my noggin'. you should know that i never nod off with my glasses on for fear of rolling over in my sleep and snapping my spectacles in two. similarly, when i was 13 years old and recently fitted with my first headgear apparatus courtesy the smiling sadists at feldstein and weisblott, dds, i experienced similar neuroses concerning my orthodontists' advice to install my remedial appliance from dusk to dawn. i had been instructed to wear my headgear overnight for 18 consecutive months in order to correct an alleged overbite. but what if i roll onto my face during the night, i inquired. "well, i suppose that you'll have to sleep on your back then throughout the night," was my dental specialists' suggestion. but what if i turn over while i'm asleep... after all, i'll be out cold so i won't know what i'm doing until it's too late, i retorted. what if my headgear snaps and it pokes my eyes out, doc? "ah, don't worry. we haven't lost a patient yet," was the best they could provide in terms of reassuring counsel. for a few weeks, i heeded their advice and did my best to station myself on my spine for the duration of the evening with my headgear firmly fastened in place. i did this with the aid of several pillows propped up on either side of me and a promise from my brother to check in on me every hour or so until the sun came up the following morning (i guess my brother was a bit of an insomniac at the time). needless to say, sleep was something i no longer looked forward to during this period of my life. and so a few months into this experiment in nocturnal torture, i quite reasonably decided to free myself of my orthodontic chains in favour of lying to my dental professionals about the frequency with which i wore my corrective device. ah, gimme a break. you would have done the same thing. anyway, getting back to my introductory inquiry... so how come nobody wears a headgear anymore? hmmm... 'nuff said.

p.s. we may be the most dysfunctional 5-0 team on the planet, but this afternoon we played like champs once again. it truly was a sight to behold. we hit the ball. we caught the ball. we threw the ball. final score: 14-0. and after last wednesday's "discussion" with my ballplayers, today the girls showed why they provided me with so much reason for optimism in the first place. perfection. almost.

"this is a very simple game. you throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." - bull durham (1988)

p.p.s. is it just me, or does rs sound like a middle-aged psychoanalyst when he comments?