what died in here

so i hop on the elevator in my condo this evening and i'm met with the most god-awful odour i've ever encountered in my four-plus decades on the planet. my olfactory senses are working overtime as i attempt to process and identify what may be the most offensive stench in the history of western society. but i figure that my vertical descent will only last a few seconds so i decide to plug my nose and ride it out to the lobby. when the doors open, an elderly woman (is there any other kind in my complex) steps onto the car just as i step out and take my first breaths of freedom. but as i make my way down the hallway, i distinctly recognize the old lady gasping as she shrieks, "oh, my god!" seconds before the doors close. suddenly it dawns on me that my spinster neighbour may have just pointed the finger at me regarding the malodorous scent left behind. for a moment, i consider hurdling up the staircase to greet my geriatric accuser on her floor so that i can deny any and all responsibility for the pungent aroma. but then i reckon that such a gesture will only increase suspicion as far as my own culpability is concerned. instead, i cleverly decide to file a formal complaint about the disturbing fragrance with the concierge so as to create the impression that i, too, am equally troubled by the poor air quality inside the building's lift.

shrewd.

one man's agony is another man's ecstasy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkboXFd9dDU