the first song i ever learned on the piano

the waitress never provides a fork unless the customer asks for one. usually i ask for one. but tonight i felt a little more adventurous than usual. tonight i was gonna give it another try. after all, when in rome... well, you know the rest. i had ordered the bento box. i chose chicken teriyaki as the main course. i was given a bit of a reprieve when the miso soup arrived. not exactly an opportunity to show off my skills just yet. next was the salad. ok, here was my chance to shine. i removed the wooden chopsticks from the wrapper. still fused together at one end, i attempted to snap the sticks in two. unfortunately, i was unable to generate a clean break. fail. the newly-separated chopstick twins looked more like a cracked wishbone than a pair of eating utensils. not a good omen. but still i soldiered on. now firmly positioned in my right hand, i began to manoeuvre the slender sticks with some hesitation. i latched onto the widest chunk of lettuce inside the wooden bowl. and squeeze. as i guided the dressing-soaked leaf to my lips, i lost hold of my prey. the lettuce fell back into the bowl. i tried again. but once again, i was met with resistance. this time, i couldn't even seem to get a decent grip on my target. eventually i was able to raise the lump of lettuce by balancing the plant on the ends of my chopsticks. not exactly what i had in mind but still a moral victory given that i was now officially digesting a menu item. when the maki arrived, i breathed a sigh of relief. hard to mess that up. big, sticky globs of rice and cucumber. the first one went into my mouth without any difficulty. the next two put up a little fight so i was forced to stab them with a solitary stick in order to facilitate feasting. within a few minutes the bento box finally appeared, and so, the main event of the evening could now begin. oddly-shaped and drenched in slippery sauce, i struggled at first with the teriyaki. similar hardships arose with respect to the oily, misshapen tempura. the asymmetrical dumplings, practically swimming in soya sauce, were a nightmare. and the rice... ugh, don't even get me going about the rice. a shovel would have been easier to manipulate with the rice.

ok, so here's the thing. i've been shown how to chow down with chopsticks on more than a few occasions over the past thirty or so years. when i taught esl full-time, i broke bread with dozens of chinese and japanese and korean kids who basically lectured me on the do's and dont's of chopstick technique. furthermore, i am not without coordination in my hands and digits. my fingers are nimble. my fingers are dexterous. my fingers are agile. so why i still have trouble negotiating a pair of chopsticks is beyond me. who knows? maybe this was meant to be my lot in life. maybe i was never intended to master the finer points of alternative dining instruments. maybe a knife and a fork and a spoon are as good as it gets for me. eh, i can live with that.

one of the most famous dance numbers in celluloid history: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKrZiddRphw&feature=related

p.s. now that the first match is out of the way, i can finally throw my undivided support behind both america and england in their next two contests. given my summative marking obligations, today i was forced to view the proceedings from the relative safety and comfort of my stately living room. that said, i can't wait to take in next friday's england-algeria match in a more appropriate setting - an open-air dining establishment in the heart of little britain near yonge and eglinton. with all due respect to my italian and portuguese friends, you haven't lived until you've spent ninety minutes yelling yourself hoarse amongst a roomful of slightly mad english football supporters. rule, britannia!