call me when you get there

when they were born, the first thing i did was check to see if they had all of their fingers and toes. when they are sick in the doctor's office, i close my eyes and pray for good news. when they play on the climbing apparatus at the park, i hold my breath every time they dangle precariously from the monkey bars. the worrying begins on day one. and the worrying never ends. i try my best not to let my anxiety consume me. i try my best to hide my anxiety from my children.

when you care about someone, you worry about that person. maybe there is a biological explanation for all this. maybe there is a sociological theory that puts it all into perspective. maybe there is a psychological concept that sums it all up in a few succinct words. whatever the case, for anyone who has ever lived it, there is no denying it. when you care about someone, you worry about that person.

the other day, my seven-year-old daughter and i embarked on a brief vacation. it was only two days. before we left, my mother said to me: "if anything happens to my granddaughter, don't bother coming home." my mother trusts me instinctively. but that's not the point. my mother absolutely adores her eldest granddaughter. she fawns over her incessantly. she buys her expensive clothing and jewelry. she loves her and her two-year-old sister more than anything in this world. (including me, i think.) and because my mother loves my daughter so much, she worries about her. i don't complain. i accept it. i even admire it.

i live a very dichotomous, almost surreal, existence. in the morning, i go to work and find myself surrounded by young people. at night, i come home to a condominium overflowing with the elderly. accordingly, every morning i am constantly reminded of days gone by. and every night, i am constantly reminded of what awaits me in the years to come. somewhere in the middle lies me. i sometimes wonder what my youthful students and my elderly neighbours worry about. do they worry about the same things? and do they understand what the other is worrying about?

when all is said and done, there are few, if any, guarantees in life. that much is true. but whether you believe in fate or the ability to shape one's own destiny, one thing is certain. those who care will continually fret over those they care about. and maybe that's a good thing.

"just call me when you get there, ok? and if you're worried about the cost, just reverse the charges, ok? but call me." - anonymous