gee your hair smells terrific

so i'm seated on the bathurst 7 northbound this afternoon, and i've got my two-year-old asleep in (on?) my lap, and i can't move an inch because as i've just stated, i've got my two-year-old, my 36-pound two-year-old, asleep in (on?) my lap. and i'm hunkered down in a chair with my back to the window, near the rear of the bus. and at that very moment, a woman sits down in the chair in front of me and to my right. her seat is facing the front of the bus. while my seat is perpendicular to her seat. which means that her back is facing my side. my right side.

and so, at this stage, you might be asking yourself, uh, so, what's the point? well, the point is this: the woman who took that seat to my right just happened to be endowed with perhaps the most voluminous head of hair this reporter has ever seen. and when i say voluminous, i mean voluminous, baby. talk about your wall of hair. this woman had hair to spare. it was long, it was frizzy, it was jagged. it was also obvious that it had been dyed recently, as the hue was certainly something unknown to mankind. but most importantly, it was touching my right shoulder. yes, that's right. you heard me correctly. her hair was touching my right shoulder.

now make no mistake... i am no germaphobe. i don't wear rubber gloves in the kitchen. i don't scrub my hands 82 times a day. i don't own shares in purell's parent company. why, i still enjoy the occasional sneeze into my cupped hands every now and again. but at the same time, her hair was touching my shoulder. my shoulder. her hair. on my shoulder. shoulder.

and so, at this stage, you might still be asking yourself, uh, so, what's the point? well, the point is this: i had a 36-pound baby in (on?) my lap. a sleeping 36-pound baby. i couldn't move an inch. hell, i could barely feel my legs. and all the while, the woman to my right had unintentionally draped her hair over my right shoulder.

it's a miracle i lived to talk about it.

"why'd i cut my hair? well, it is easier to wash now." - anonymous

hair bands once ruled the earth... like the dinosaur