woe is the unemployed philosopher resigned to contemplate the existential nature of mankind

oh, i almost forgot. on my way back to toronto last tuesday, riding the go train from burlington, i found myself surrounded by several dozen fellow travellers. the kid, meanwhile, was under the spell of the brothers mario on her dsi. and so i did what any slightly bored and mildly curious commuter would do in my position - i eavesdropped. here's what i learned:

the father and son duo seated in front of me were heading to the cne from oakville. they spoke about hockey mostly. the boy was an avid follower of the tampa bay lightning. he went on at length about vincent lecavalier's recent surgery. the father, on the other hand, was a lifelong montreal canadiens' supporter. there seemed to be a hint of unease between the two. now i wasn't sure of the reason for this tension, but at one point, the boy said something about his mother to which his father replied rather angrily.

to my right sat four teenagers, also from oakville. they were on their way to the big city for a house party hosted by someone's cousin. moreover, each was getting ready to begin university the following week. one of the teens was heading off to queen's. (hey, that rhymed.) she spoke about her old man helping to move furniture into her new apartment on campus. the others seemed jealous. i think it was because she had her own room, if that's possible.

and seated behind me was a woman in her late twenties or early thirties. she never identified her hometown. for almost the entire duration of the train ride, she spoke on her cell to a woman named sharon. or was it susan? (it's been almost a week since my trip.) in any event, the one thing that stood out in her conversation was the number of times she said "really." i mean, she really, really, really liked to use the word "really." the only other detail i can recall at this late hour is the prevailing subject matter of her chat - namely, her boyfriend. apparently she doesn't think their relationship will survive the summer. oh well, summer's almost up, so here's hoping.

the point to all this? simple. midway through my train ride from burlington to toronto last tuesday, i had another one of those odd existential moments. you know, when you suddenly begin to question your reason for being.

as you may recall, the last time i slipped into a cauldron of middle-aged angst, i was enjoying a scrumptious plate of chicken tenders and potato wedges at my local fortino's (not anymore, kids). but last tuesday on the go train, i failed to actually exit my physical form as i had done several months earlier during my out-of-body supermarket experience.

no, on tuesday, i merely suffered a "moment of realization" whereby i began to question why it is that i am me and not the person sitting next to me on the train. and why am i here now as opposed to one hundred years ago or one hundred years in the future?

so to summarize then: why me and not him or her? and why now as opposed to earlier or later?

and then my seven-year-old snapped another "mario moustache" photo of me and suddenly i was snapped back into reality.

"if not me, then who? if not now, then when?" - author unknown

listen to this while you read and you'll understand